Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
