I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
