Nicole vs. Life
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
