Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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