just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
