I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
