Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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