U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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