Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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