i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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