belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
