Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
