Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
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No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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