Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
