Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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