when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
