The best revenge is premature balding
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
