Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
