I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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