The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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