At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
