dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
