I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
