And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
