Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
