Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
