Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
