just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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