just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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