i think i have two assholes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
