I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
