That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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