goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just pee around me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
