I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
