Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I look better un-naked...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
