can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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