During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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