my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
