I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
