It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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