I showed him my bush... on skype.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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