so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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