My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
