I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
