just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
