i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found puke in my bra..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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