I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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