Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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