oh god the rape fog is back!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
