He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
