Do you still have your period?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
