he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
