just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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