I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
