Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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