smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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