Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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