stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
