Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
