I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
