i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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