Just cropdusted the office
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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