My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
