Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
