then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
