I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
