But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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