i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
