Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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