Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize