I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
