dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to calm my uterus...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
